Sunday, November 22, 2009

Disposable...

is my new word of survival. Let me explain...
** Caution... emotional, sleep-deprived babble soon to follow... so either grab a snack and get comfy, or just exit the site now. There. Consider yourself warned...

Lately we have been going back and forth with the question: do we get into a new house now, or do we stay put for a while in our 'charming-yet-oh-so-small-and-old' house...

So far, we have opted to stay put. And for now, I'm actually happy about that, because, well, it helps me to not feel so bad when my kiddos demolish anything and everything in one way or another. In a way, this house, to me, has become 'disposable'... at least that's what I tell myself to keep my sanity when they are dragging chairs across our newly re-finished floor, or climbing all over the furniture with sucker-stickied hands that I can't get to at the moment to wipe off.

Especially now that my days (and nights) are mostly consumed with sitting in one, immovable position while feeding Elizabeth, I have come to realize that things are just that... things. Nothing is worth my getting all worked up and giving myself ten ulcers to try to keep everything just picture perfect all the time. This hit me when, in the middle of one nursing session, Joshy climbed on the piano and started picking apart one of my favorite fall decorations. After coaxing, threatening, and then yelling at him to stop, I had to pull myself back and ask if saving this decoration was worth the increased blood pressure and screeching and threats I was yelling at my son. He wasn't doing it to be malicious... he was merely curious as to what made up that decoration, and wanted to feel every part of it for himself. So I sat back, mentally disconnected myself from this material posession, and let myself get caught up in the wonder of a 2 year olds world. It was really interesting to look at things from his point of view... to a 2 year old, there is no law of consequences-- if you like something, you touch it, squish it, taste it, in short, explore it completely. And then you move on to the next thing of interest (while the haggard mommy tries to restore the damage that has just been inflicted on the previous object of interest...)

Now, I'm not saying that I have let everything go to the dogs... (well, okay, in a way I kind of am - justification in it's finest form, right?!)

I have just gotten a lot more calm about the chaos that seems to constantly be going on around me.

Something that my mom said to me a few years ago really stuck with me, and has helped me to prioritize what things are 'really' important... We were home for Christmas, and I had gotten Jerry a CD for Christmas, and we had gotten the CD signed by the artist, so I thought it was pretty important.

Somewhere in the midst of holiday/family craziness, the cd got lost.

I freaked.

My mom calmly helped me search high and low for it (she even went through the garbage... now THAT is one incredible mother!!).

But then she said something that has stayed with me since then...

As I was getting more and more worked up, she calmly stated, "Oh well, if we can't find it, that's okay, you can't take it to Heaven with you anyway." For some reason, that statement stuck, and has since talked me down from many would-be-melt-down moments with the kiddos.

Like when they were playing catch (with daddy...) and hit my monet picture, causing it to fall down, shatter the glass, and scratch up the print. When I first walked into the room and saw the damage, my first reaction was quickly put in check when I looked around at all of their sheepish faces (hubby's included), and I actually repeated what my wise mother has once told me, "oh, well, I can't take it to Heaven with me anyway." And just like that, the moment was de-fizzled. The mess was cleaned, the ball put away, the (glass-less) picture re-hung.

Or when Joshy hosed down the kitchen with the new spray nozzle in the sink during one of my nursing sessions... (hey, kitchens can always use a good shower every now and then, right?!).

... or even when I found a few days ago, a perfect "V" type of cut in *THE chair* (oh, yes... the one that I praised in the previous post...), from 'someone' (so far no one will fess up to the actual crime...) who was apparently experimenting with a pair of scissors...
... it's... only.... a .... thing.... ... right??! I...can't...take...it...to...Heaven.... right??! (insert deep breaths here!!).

... Because, really, at the end of the day (or year, or life...) things are just that: things. They are, in fact disposable, and will stay right here on earth when we leave it. What I will get to take with me, and what really DOES matter, is the relationship that I build with my most cherished and NON-Disposable items: my children. The explorations, the craziness, and the psychotic zoo phase will pass, but the memories and relationship that we build together will last a lifetime. As I am learning more and more with each new soul that comes into my life, they are so small for such a short time, and when they grow, those sweet moments of childhood wonder are gone forever. When they are grown and gone, I'm sure I will look back at the 'v' cut and wish for just one day more of being surrounded by these amazing, incredible (if at times over-zealous) souls that I am blessed to call "My Children"... and who are, in fact, my most priced possessions, for now, and for always.


7 comments:

Jolene said...

Jen, I think that you wrote this post just for me! My kids have been driving me crazy. You as such a wonderful and amazing mother!
PS love the picture!!

Robin Conner said...

Wow. Thanks Jen. That really helped me a ton! In fact just moments ago, I got done yelling and ranting as I "steamed" through my house picking up messes left and right, and telling, no ordering my family to do this, pick up that, clean that. I get so focused on our material things and keeping things just so, that I forget the important things. Like just chilling with my family on a Sunday, and knowing I can clean on Monday when everyone is gone to school and work. deep breath. Thanks, I'll be better too! I hope you can some way mend or tape, glue, sew the "v" in your chair. Loved the picture!! So cute! I can't wait to see the other ones!

Walt and Eileen said...

Jen, I don't remember saying that but glad I did. Yes the eternal outcome is what matters.
I thought the kids had the baby out sitting in the snow when I first looked at the photo. How grown up everyone looks beside Elizabeth Jane.
Love, Mom/Grama Mission - Argentina

Shan said...

And that is a way to develop patience - such great eternal insights. Beautiful picture of each of the kids with little Elizabeth.

mnjacksons said...

Jen your such a cute mom and i will forever remember that saying also- Thank you!

4kidsandcrazy said...

Beautifully put! I can't believe someone cut your new chair!!! Why did it have to be that one. Of course they couldn't have cut the old yucky (in my case) couch that you are dying to get rid of anyway. Love the saying.

Julie said...

Oh Jen - I just love that picture. They all look so beautiful...and you have FIVE kids! Holy cow - pretty crazy. Way to go and way to be calm.

Love you - Julie