Tender Mercies

Yes, you saw that right.
A street sweeper.
My Today Tender Mercy.

Let me explain...

A few days ago I was on my way home from an early morning workout, and it was still dark as I was driving up the hill to our house.  Suddenly, something jumped out in front of me, and before I could even react, I felt the stomach dropping thump-bump, thump-bump. Of the tires over some poor, unsuspecting animal.

As soon as Jerry woke up, my first words were, "Honey, I hit an animal!  I don't know if it was someone's sweet life-long pet cat, or some sweet baby bunnies' mother!  I don't know if it died, or is now maimed for life!"

Okay... now many of you are thinking how cheesy this is, but hey, it's me - and my middle name could just have easily been 'guilty'.  If there is something to feel guilty about - I will find it and relish it until a myriad of ulcers come to complete fruition :).

... and it didn't  help much that a few minutes after Jerry left for work, I received this picture via text:

with the caption, "The Easter Bunny!!"
... ummm, not really helping, honey!

so for the next few days, every time I drove down and up the hill, I was faced with the stark reminder of my mistake.
wondering if I should go out and scoop it up?
should I get some bunny food and go scour the woods for hungry little baby bunnies waiting for their mom to return with breakfast??
or just see it and feel guilty all over again.

... then it happened.
in the afternoon, I happened to be looking out my window, and saw a street sweeper emerge on top of the hill.
and just like that,
It was gone.
Clean.
Removed forever.

Again, I know super cheesy example, but for whatever reason I felt so incredibly grateful for street sweepers.
who swoop in and clean up my messes.
and make my driving path whole again.

Tender Mercies come in all shapes and sizes.
and today, mine came with a swooshing brush.

Hand-me-down mommy

I recently dug this fun sweatshirt out of our hand-me-down box...

For it's newest owner, Joshua.  As I was rolling the sleeves up to fit his still-too-tiny-arms and assuring him that it would be fine, "you'll grow into it" and then watched how he looked at it in awe and told me about all of the parts of the firetruck (that he had learned from his two older fire-truck-loving brothers), I couldn't help but think about something else that has been brewing in my mind for the past little while...

**Waring, random ramblings about to erupt... feel free to exit the blog at any time... :)**

There, consider yourself warned...

I have been thinking lately, ya know, in all of my 8 years of mommy-hood experience ;), that I can feel myself slowly 'growing into' the mommy role.  

-- I find myself more content with little things.

-- Less flustered over the bazzilion schedule changes during the course of a 24 hour day.

-- Less likely to be mortified at the site of some of the outfit choices of the kiddos (and even secretly glad that they chose a certain outfit *insert purple wizard costume* and that they don't really care about molding to the general regular-clothes-wearing population)

-- Not quite so anal about scheduling every minute of every day

-- Able to choose my battles a bit more (or less, as the case may be)

-- And in general just loving being around my children.

Are things perfect?  Not by a long shot.  But they are better.  Not because the kids have changed, but because I find myself changing... morphing... molding... into this thing called "Mommy".  More importantly, I find myself loving the role, and finding the fit to be bit by bit more comfortable as the years go by.

As I have thought about this little inner discovery, I started to think back to how I have come to be where I am now on the mommyhood journey, and where I have learned the many (unpublished) mommyhood lessons from the (undocumented) mommyhood manual.  

And I have realized that I am, in fact, a hand-me-down mommy.  

So many lessons that I have applied, and am now trying to apply in my little mommyhood universe have been taught to me by so many incredible mothers that I have been surrounded by my entire life.  So many of you out there have handed me down so many mothering moments, and I thank you for that.  There have been so many of you that have helped me on my path to mommyhood (and continue to help me on my path) that I don't even know how to begin to thank you all and let you know some of the gratitude that I feel for the teeny-tiny lessons that you have taught me.

A few that for some reason have been hitting me a little harder lately come from those of you in my own family.

... *Warning, cheese factor about to get turned up a notch... go on at your own risk!*

I have, hands down, the most incredible examples of womanhood and motherhood in my immediate family.  I am the youngest of 7 kids, with 2 older sisters and 4 older sister-in-laws (Chelle - you count as older because you just morphed into Brians age category when you got married!). Plus a mother in law, and two more incredible sister-in-laws on my hubby's side.

We are one of those cheesy families who actually like getting together.  A lot.  

And when we get together.  I watch.  and I learn.

First of all, my mom.  

What can I say about her?  She is the epitome of motherhood.  

There is not a day that goes by where I find myself thinking, 'what would my mom do?'  I think it's safe to say that her kids are her life, and she did so many thousands of tiny things day in and day out to make our lives wonderful - things that at the time I had no idea how inconvenient it was for her.  She just did them because, well, she was the mom. 

   Like the time I moved suddenly from dorm room living to apartment living, and called her crying because I was having a hard time adjusting, and within 24 hours she was knocking on the door with a box full of pots and pans to help in my transition.  

   Or the countless games of various sports that I could look up and see her being my #1 cheerleader in the stand.  Home.  Away.  Hot.  Cold.  Early.  Late.  She was there.  (I have to admit, this thought was about the only thing that kept me in my chair on the sidelines of my own child's first freezing cold soccer game cheering away...).  I think deep down, she doesn't even really like sports (though she would never admit it openly to our sports-obsessed family!).  That act alone has built at least one floor in her mansion in heaven, I'm sure of it!

And then my sisters.  The best.  Ever.  (Well, I can say that now that I am no longer subjected to 'prickly pear cactus legs' or the pinch of death, or forced to sleep on the 'dracula' side of the bed!)

Each of my sisters is an absolutely amazing mother.  Seriously.  As in, the type that when I visit, I take a step back at each of their houses and think, "when I grow up, I want to be a mom like that!"  (and then I remember, oh no, I'm already a mom!  I'm already behind!)

Janie - I won't even talk about the fact that I'm a wee bit jealous that you could give birth to 7 children (yes, that's right, folks, SEVEN), and still be the skinniest one of the bunch!  But I also stand in complete awe at your ability to organize all of the children, serve as Relief Society President, And run a bazzilion ballroom programs, simultaneously.  I get dizzy just thinking about that schedule!

  -- with all of your many accomplishments, however, I do have to say one of the absolute most impressive to me is when I get to visit and see the day to day interaction of the kids.  These kids (remember the SEVEN kids?!).  All get along (and the majority of them are in the thick of the pre-teen to young adult age span - yes, the age span where most siblings hate each other).  Not only do they get along, but they genuinely like and care for one another.  

 -- case in point:  this last visit, I got the chance to stay up into the wee hours of the morning talking to a couple of the kids - ages 19 and 16.  I loved talking to them, but more importantly, I loved watching how they would talk with one another.  As we discussed different boys and girls, they would tell each other, "oh, I don't like him for you"  or "yes, you should go out with her, she's great."  Or even, "No, you shouldn't go out with her, she's mean to me"... and he would truly listen to her and take the insight to heart.  Amazing!

 -- to me, that speaks volumes to mommyhood - and that is one hand-me-down that I would love to grow into as my kids reach those points in life.

And then there is Julie...  the family firecracker.  (Seriously folks, if you have a party and she's not on the guest list, you may as well just cancel the party!  She's awesome!)  Just being around her makes me smile.  I secretly stock her blog just to copy some of the incredibly cute things that she does with her kiddos and make-believe that I am as creative and talented as she is :).  (C'mon, anyone who would orchestrate her husband into making real-not-cheap-plasticky bows and arrows as party gifts for their son's 'robin hood' birthday party is up there for mother (and father!) of the year award!).

... but the thing that impresses me the most is hard to put into words.  Julie is the essence of motherhood. Whenever I see her with her kids, I have the thought, "wow, I want to be a mom like that."  You can tell that she truly lives motherhood as she puts her kids needs above anything else in life and is really there for her kids, both physically, but also mentally and emotionally. 

Case in point:  Julie is a phenomenal ballroom dancer (as in touring the world in college type of dancer!).  She gave that all up in the pursuit of mommyhood.  When her oldest got into elementary school, she started a childrens ballroom program.  Not for her own benefit, or to further her own ballroom career, but to have a team for her daughter to learn the skills that she loves so much.
But that case in point doesn't even truly describe what I'm trying to explain - she just oozes motherly love, from being there at every moment that her kids need her physically, to giving her kids the comforts of life, not only temporal, but also emotional,  even at her own sacrifice in so many ways.

That is a hand-me-down that I am trying to do more of... invest not in just physically being a mom, but capturing the essence and spirit of mommyhood.

There are so many more examples I could give - from sister-in-laws, to dear friends, to casual acquaintances, of little lessons in mommyhood that have helped me to grow into this role that hopefully someday, will fit me just perfectly.  

For now, I will continue to mold and morph, roll up the sleeves when they get a bit too long

And continue to watch and learn and grow

from all of you.

Thank you so much for your hand-me-down ways of mommyhood :)

Melt my heart moments...

Most of the posts about Joshy usually contain some sort of picture like this...

... or like this 

But every single morning, I get to look at the top of the stairs and see this...

... and when he sees me, his face turns to this...

... and joshy then makes his grand entrance into the day.

... and a little bit deeper into my heart.

Love this little guy!!

(... even when I wish he had come with his own personal maid service... :) ).

On your Mark...

... since moving into the new house,
... which has barely beige walls,
... painted in flat paint
... I have had many opportunities to clean these...



(okay, quite honestly, the only times I have really cleaned them are times when company is coming, and I suddenly look around and see all of the little 'handy' work of the kiddos on the walls)

... and I oftentimes chant to myself something my mom has told me before, "you will miss this when they are all gone... you will miss this when they are all gone..."


On one particular wall-wiping occasion, which took a bit longer than usual, thanks in part to our lovely Joshy, who by the looks of the walls was afraid he would forget how to find his way back up from the basement, so made himself a little chocolate hand trail to follow... I started thinking about 'leaving your mark on the world' and began a thought process that I will attempt to recreate here...

WARNING:  kind of weird, deep-thoughtish-not-completely-put-together thoughts coming through...
There.  Consider yourself warned...

I started thinking about the role of motherhood (which started out with something like, "really?  REALLY?!  Will I REALLY miss this when they are all gone?!)...

And I started thinking about how in today's society the actual role of mother is so knocked down.  Sure, people give it the 'lip service'  like saying, 'oh, motherhood is the hardest job of all'... or, 'every mother is a working woman'...

But, unless one has truly been in the trenches, day in and day out, reorganizing your schedule for the 97th time because you suddenly find yourself cleaning the completely dumped out bottle of sunscreen all over the floor, or fabric softener filling your purse, or get all the kids loaded into the car only to find the last one has had a major diaper blow-out, I don't think those lip service phrases mean anything.   There really is no way you can describe the role of a mother with any cliche or catchy phrase.

Mother hood is...
... simply indescribable.

In both good and bad ways.  It's tough.  It's awesome.  It's sweet.  It's stinky.  It's fun.  It's depressing.  It's enchanting.  It's lonely.  It's pretty much every emotion, every day, every minute showing one extreme change with some sort of emergency or fire to stamp out in some aspect.

... and then there are the moments of 'ahhh' when you can find an eye of the storm to just sit and be.
... but then you feel too guilty for simply be-ing.
... so you get up and get busy doing something
... because, c'mon, at the end of the day, you have to have something to show for all of your work.
... and dishes don't seem to count, you did those yesterday.
... and laundry, also a ditto from yesterday (although you would never know it as clothes have come from nowhere to build a replica of mt. everest in the laundry room).
... and vacuuming, well, you did it this morning, but no one could possibly tell because not one single vacuum line remains in tact.
... and the glistening toilets just hours before are now smoldering pots of sewage left by recently potty-trained-yet-not-expert-aiming users.
... and all the poopy diapers you changed during the day... well, those are just better left in the garbage.

... so what exactly is it that you have to show that you have actually made your mark on the world?

... I am so not an expert in this arena by any means, nor do I propose to have all of the answers.

... but in this particular moment of time (of wiping down Joshy's chocolate trail home), somehow, somewhere, I found great satisfaction in knowing that I was (hopefully) making my mark in the hearts of 5 little souls that Heavenly Father has gingerly placed in my care.  Though I couldn't put any tangible name to the mark, I became acutely aware of just how important the 'Mother's Mark' is on the heart of every child who enters this world.
... I have felt my own mother's mark every moment of every day, in ways that I'm sure she will never be aware of.  Tiny things that as I look back on my own little lessons in life that I learned at her side, and that I now call back upon as I go through my own moments of wondering what in the world I should do at this particular juncture and can easily answer with a simple question, "what did my mom do in this type of situation?"
... more often then not, the answer is, "she always, always put the needs of her children first, made sure they were comfortable, fed, clothed, kissed, hugged, changed, etc etc before she took one thought for her own comfort or her 'alone' time"
... that is a mark that can never be erased in the soul of a child who learned the love of a Heavenly Father through the role of a mother.
... that is a mark that I will work everyday to re-create in the hearts of my own children
... will I be able to create the 'mother's mark' in my own children?
... I may never know in this lifetime...
... but one thing I do know - they have left marks in my heart that will last much, much longer than a chocolate handprint on the wall.

... and yes, I think I will miss those tiny prints guiding my kids back from their basement adventures once their adventures lead them outside the walls of my home and the grasp of my arms.
... so for now, I will be content to wipe off the wall marks, and try to etch in my own marks on their tiny precious hearts.

The End.

A whole lotta nothin...

... well, let me rephrase that...

a whole lotta:

summer playin

pool goin

bbqin

sprinkler-tramp jumpin

flower waterin

fun frolickin

kids gym playin

summer squealin

friends play datin

impromptu picnickin

silly gigglin

sleepin innin
rain dancin
late night movie watchin

pajama dayin

rice crispy treat makin

chocolate overloadin

ice cream truck chasin

ice cream sandwich gobblin

fireworks festin

road trip takin

gramma and grampa visitin

wood projects buildin

... but nothing on the schedulin summer!


... and I'm lovin it!!!

Month of Momentous Milestones

As our whirl wind spring slowed into a sunny summer, I sat back and one day realized that this extra time with the kiddos has been amazing.  Usually I am climbing the walls trying to find ways to entertain the kids as I crabbily countdown the days until school resumes.

This summer has been completely different.  I have loved having the kids home.  I love waking up and having a whole day to be all together and to just let the day unfold as we go on whatever little adventures suit our fancy.

All in all it has been a perfect change from our usually run-around-all-day-and-come-home-tired-and-crabby modes.

A few days ago, I was thinking about each of the children, and I realized that they are each in such a great mode right now.  One that I could so easily overlook as I busied ourself to death over the past 6 months.

We are doing a little reading course with Ben, and as I was watching him discover a whole new world of words, I went through each of the children in my mind and discovered that within the past month, each one of them has gone through a huge phase of milestones...

Elizabeth... well, I have decided that she lives life in hyperdrive.  She crawled at 6 months (starting out right in the middle of our move... great timing??!)

And is now so wanting to enter the walking world...

She gets so excited when she pulls herself up, and then tries so hard to take some steps out.  So far nothing close to success, but I have no doubt she will be running laps around me in the near future!She has also decided that baby food is, well, not for all babies.  She will only take a bit of the 'smooshy' stuff, and then she dives for the real food.  Her look of triumph when she get a piece of 'big people's' food is priceless :).

I wish I could have gotten a picture of Ben's face when he read his first story - it was the cutest thing ever.  Every single dimple made an appearance.  He was so proud of himself!  It's so fun to see him starting to come into his own instead of live in the wake of Seth and Sarah's activity schedule.

Joshy has entered the world of potties... *Shudder*.  I have to admit - there are many aspects of motherhood that I cherish.  Potty training is not one of those aspects.  Every time it shows up on the horizon, I tend to first push it off as long as possible (I can come up with some great excuses to push it off just a 'little bit' longer...), and then gripe, complain, and outright scream as we wind our way through the path to potty hood.  Wish me luck on this one!!

Seth and Sarah... well, I need to write a whole post about this one, but last month they turned the magical age of 8.  In our church, this is where they get to be baptized and start a whole new path in life.  Needless to say, it was a day full of amazing emotions.  I was trying so hard to make it memorable for them, and try to take time to capture the spirit and wonderment of it all in my own mind.  All in all, it was an incredible day filled with family, love, and a huge dose of the spirit.  Definitely one of those moments that as a parent gives me a tiny glimpse into the eyes of Heavenly Father as he looks down upon us, wanting us so much to do the right things and rejoicing when we take even the tiniest of baby steps back home to Him.